p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
