She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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