She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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