Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
