She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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