So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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