So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
