i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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