i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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