I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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