FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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