It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
