me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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