so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
