What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
