let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
