How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
