just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
