My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
