Can i not drive my cunt home
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
