worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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