Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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