I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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