so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
