Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
