I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
