Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
