I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
