and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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