I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
