I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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