Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize