Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
