dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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