I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
