I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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