I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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