OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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