just come out here and I will go home with you...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
