How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
