A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize