your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
