i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
