clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
