Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
