Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
