I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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