At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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