I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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