I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
