My room smells like vodka and shame
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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