I faked an abortion last night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we're making bets on your personal life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
