You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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