At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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