I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
