you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
