he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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