I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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