I'm so fucking centered right now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
