WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
