Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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