I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
