Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
